:: My Point Of View ::

January 25, 2011

Blood Is Thicker Than Water

Filed under: Matter Of The Heart — lv @ 5:23 pm
Tags:

unexpected shocking revelation caught me off guard today from a brave sms. i felt my face burning with shame, fury and disbelief reading every single words. goosebumps at the back of neck remained for a little bit longer while my hands shook with rage and iced cold. i proceeded replying. i never apologise though. because it has never been my fault. i dont know what to think now. and in time like this the only thing that’s on my mind is to run. i wanna run 10 rounds today. no. make it 50. or maybe 100. until i could shake it all off my head and the knowledge of it which i (we) know is impossible as long as i (we) live. anger rushed through me. disappointment creeped in me. like fo’real? when will this feud ever end?! i just dont understand. and it broke my heart to see, to hear and worst yet to be in the middle of the whole thing that i wonder what else could it be next. i’m tired. i’m ashamed. of all of us. of all the lack of good example these people set for us. and when i am disappointed i want to just go. far away. ironically i was homesick these few days and that feeling evaporated together with those fume i released. perhaps, i eject because i expect too much and hope for perfection which we all know doesnt exist. sometimes it occurs to me that the better solution is to stay and fight, but i’m always too scared to voice my opinion on my own. chicken! i hide and cower in fear because people can talk so much and scratch u so hard, whether consciously or not. word – be very careful and afraid of it. because once a wrong ones uttered and misunderstood and cut a heart, the scar stays forever. and false tales will be repeated on and on until the day u die. the truth is, i just want my loved ones around. i want to be back in that comfortable space in this world where it is just me, and them, and our love. there, we are in a time and place where there is no need to fear each other. where it is safe to steal a chicken wing out of ones plate when they arent looking.

i just want a happy escape with those who are closest to my heart. not just real family but along the bloodlines. is that too much to ask?!

why make such a big fuss about it all of you?!!

*sob*

“If anyone says, “I love God,” yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.” ~ I John 4:20

be blessed, peeps!!

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2 Comments »

  1. it’s funny that u can have the last qoute “be blessed…” but all is well..after a storm there’s definately rainbow..(sorry menyampuk w/pun keluar tajuk) CNY is around the corner..i bet you’ll have lot’s of fun HOME!!

    Comment by jenkays — January 25, 2011 @ 11:34 pm | Reply

    • jane,

      but i dread to go home this time T.T my holiday mood already spoiled T___T pray for a better situation jak la… ya… good thing ada cny. can have excuses to be out of sight lama2 with diff set of firends.

      Comment by lv — January 26, 2011 @ 11:51 am | Reply


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