:: My Point Of View ::

January 25, 2011

Blood Is Thicker Than Water

Filed under: Matter Of The Heart — lv @ 5:23 pm
Tags:

unexpected shocking revelation caught me off guard today from a brave sms. i felt my face burning with shame, fury and disbelief reading every single words. goosebumps at the back of neck remained for a little bit longer while my hands shook with rage and iced cold. i proceeded replying. i never apologise though. because it has never been my fault. i dont know what to think now. and in time like this the only thing that’s on my mind is to run. i wanna run 10 rounds today. no. make it 50. or maybe 100. until i could shake it all off my head and the knowledge of it which i (we) know is impossible as long as i (we) live. anger rushed through me. disappointment creeped in me. like fo’real? when will this feud ever end?! i just dont understand. and it broke my heart to see, to hear and worst yet to be in the middle of the whole thing that i wonder what else could it be next. i’m tired. i’m ashamed. of all of us. of all the lack of good example these people set for us. and when i am disappointed i want to just go. far away. ironically i was homesick these few days and that feeling evaporated together with those fume i released. perhaps, i eject because i expect too much and hope for perfection which we all know doesnt exist. sometimes it occurs to me that the better solution is to stay and fight, but iā€™m always too scared to voice my opinion on my own. chicken! i hide and cower in fear because people can talk so much and scratch u so hard, whether consciously or not. word – be very careful and afraid of it. because once a wrong ones uttered and misunderstood and cut a heart, the scar stays forever. and false tales will be repeated on and on until the day u die. the truth is, i just want my loved ones around. i want to be back in that comfortable space in this world where it is just me, and them, and our love. there, we are in a time and place where there is no need to fear each other. where it is safe to steal a chicken wing out of ones plate when they arent looking.

i just want a happy escape with those who are closest to my heart. not just real family but along the bloodlines. is that too much to ask?!

why make such a big fuss about it all of you?!!

*sob*

“If anyone says, “I love God,” yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.” ~ I John 4:20

be blessed, peeps!!

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2 Comments »

  1. it’s funny that u can have the last qoute “be blessed…” but all is well..after a storm there’s definately rainbow..(sorry menyampuk w/pun keluar tajuk) CNY is around the corner..i bet you’ll have lot’s of fun HOME!!

    Comment by jenkays — January 25, 2011 @ 11:34 pm | Reply

    • jane,

      but i dread to go home this time T.T my holiday mood already spoiled T___T pray for a better situation jak la… ya… good thing ada cny. can have excuses to be out of sight lama2 with diff set of firends.

      Comment by lv — January 26, 2011 @ 11:51 am | Reply


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