:: My Point Of View ::

February 17, 2009

an emo post :-(

Filed under: Matter Of The Heart — lv @ 2:22 pm
Tags: , ,

gloomy night

gloomy night

this is gonna be one emo post…. but i don’t want to be way too emo oso lest u will be annoyed.

after the whole thing i should be sitting in the darkest corner and cry my heart out till my eyes swollen the size of a tennis ball. or just return the cruel outburst in the same sarcastic and hurtful manner. but strangely this time i chose not to burst into a raging monster. i once had a mission. to forgive and forget. and for the kindness side that left in me i successfully achieved that mission recent years. this time and days to come i do not wish to break the mission either just over a little dispute. Roman 12:21. that’s all i need as my weapon.
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well, few hours after the above. the unexpectable happened via msn. the confrontation. yeah. like finally! (read that superficially :p) of course it came in harsh with all accusations at the beginning then gradually into confession then strategy and finally into casual chat. ahh!! they made the 1st move. i can follow suit. no doubt many words could cut the heart into pieces and stir anger. but again weirdly i didn’t mind all the damaging words. in fact i was glad and a sense of relieve was within me. why? because i’ve grew wiser. must be it :p
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few hours later: i lied! i cant deny i was deeply cut and sad. it’s not because all the accusation and the confrontation. but because of the hopelessness. the less confidence that left. right now all i want to do is find some secluded place and cry a bucket. I am so tad tired of all these i don’t think i have energy left to face it. i’m sad cos i dunno wat to do now. i am sad i dunno wat to do next. i am sad that i’ve hurt people without my knowledge. I am sad people misunderstood me and i dunno how to explain to them. I am sad to see they are sad over the situation. i am sad i am not being given a chance to fight for anything. I am sad for giving up without fighting. argghh!!! I am so emo! forgive me. i better sign out before i rant with anymore crap of emo-ness.

and my kisses to The Cuz on the encouragement. yeah. we both know the obvious confirmation now. it’s all up to ME!!
Heb 12:11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

in this situation. phil 4:13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

that’s all i need for comfort.

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